Colleen's Quips

BECOMING REAL

My mind wanders. Concentration is not easy to come by. I can't think. Reading and comprehension are more difficult. I forget thoughts. Sometimes I shake and quake. I do things I don't realize I have done, later to discover that while my mind was doing one thing, my hands were doing another. At times I am ecstatic and joyful about my life's future. At times the grief in the present is overwhelming. Weeping comes in the night; joy comes in the morning. And sometimes the reverse is true for me. Terri, Jackie and Barbara tell me to call "when you need to talk." I allow myself to fully feel two, three, or several emotions occurring at the same time. I am free to show the emotions, feel them, "emote" them - alone or with others. I am real. I am humbled. I am surprised how people are okay as I show emotions. In the past, I would fear for them and for myself if undo emotions were displayed, protecting us both while holding back. Now I see that being all of who I am with others is a gift I bring to them and to myself. There is no need for a sense of shame or embarrassment. Now I know the potential for feeling embarrassed can also bring with it the possibility of being known, being exposed, being real, being whole.

It has been my experience that when someone is open, sharing what is for them, and their emotions reflect their life situations - joys and troubles, I know a sense of feeling grateful that they trusted me with it all. It tells me that I was a safe place for them. In the process and with the risk of entrusting me with more of who they are, we are both blessed and enriched. In a sense, when I trust you with who I am, faults, foibles, triumphs and tragedies, I am saying, "I know you'll be okay with this; I think you'll understand." That may be one of the highest forms of praise and grace one can give to another. So my letting go and being humbled can bear the fruit for both of us, gracing us and raising us up in close connection and fellowship. This is the way we really get to know each other and ourselves. This is a gift I offer to you, giving the gift of possibility for closeness, connection and truly being known. When I am receiving such a gift of disclosure from you and truly embracing all of who you are as you give of yourself, I can then become more of who I truly am, with you and with others. This is a never-ending gift that opens up limitless possibility for love between people. Oh, the infinite riches within the gifts He gives us. Only we can limit the possibility for joy in this way of giving of ourselves as well as receiving and embracing others. The possibilities of enrichment, blessing and closeness are limitless. His gifts are beyond all we can think or comprehend. This is a powerful, life-giving dynamic that is available for each of us to enjoy. It's another one of His precious gifts to us. It is another on of His ways of making us whole, holy, healthy, and at peace with ourselves and with others. I'm so thankful I am beginning to walk this path with you and with Him! The final destination and result is joy. My hope is that this brings Him joy too.